Cleaning out my Closet

It’s 2020 and we are in the middle of a pandemic so I think we have all seen and consumed our fair share of wellness content but I think that I have taken on one of the most daunting tasks of sitting with my self and reflecting that one can take in life.

I am cleaning out my childhood bedroom. Well my since Middle School bedroom if we want to be exact. We moved into this house when I started seventh grade and my family still lives here so in effort to lesson my footprint I am going through all of my stacks of important papers and getting rid of the things that I should no longer keep.

At first this started out an innocuous task. I threw away receipts and other random slips of paper. Got rid of tennis shoes that I have had forever and organized drawers full of sport camp t-shirts, but today? Today I hit the motherlode.

If you know me you know that I am a sentimental and loving person. I keep lots of things that are important to me – some things actually are and some not so much but tonight I found it. I found all the pictures of me and my parents when it was just us, I found notes from my whole high school wishing me well when I got my jaw crushed, I found my graduation bulletins and all the awards I won in sports, I found pictures drawn by my little sister, and even cards for birthday and High School graduation signed by my Grandparents.

Y’all. I am blown away. It is a roundhouse kick to the face of feelings that I have not felt in a really long time. I am reading names of people and seeing pictures of sports teams and coaches, and looking at programs from college banquets events I forgot I even attended and I don’t know how to feel.

As we move through life I have always tried to be cognizant of my growth and how certain events have shaped me but when I looked at all of this and really sat back and thought about all of those people I interacted with and those things that I took part in it really shook me. I don’t know. I am grateful and stunned and shook and I don’t know. I feel blessed.

I feel blessed to have come through all of those things and blessed to have the experiences that I have had because they have made me into the person that I am now but it also makes me really think about this time and space that I am right now. It makes you question if any of this is real and if any of the things that we worry and fight and stress about are real. It also makes me want to continue to really try and take none of the things and people I interact with for granted because none of it will be the same in five years and definitely not in 10 years. I might even forget that any of the things or people that are bothering me now even exist.

I know that I will definitely have to clean this up in the morning and eventually one day I will have to throw it all away but for right now… I kept all of it. I have to because the feelings were too fresh and real and heavy. I even began reaching out to people I haven’t talked to in a while. I feel it is my duty to tell them how positively they impacted my life.

Have any of you all ever had this feeling? Like you have been snapped back to reality (ope there goes gravity…okay I’ll stop) by a memento or a memory? Have you ever felt like you have been yanked out of a weird dream of the mundane and now you can kind of see everything clearer now? I feel like I’m in Inception and I just felt the big “kick” back through all the levels of consciousness. This is weird and wild. I feel like I’m in a daze.

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